Got "Pain" Anyone?

To anyone who’s reading this post, hello, it’s nice to meet you. I just felt like there is someone out there who is going through some tough times with pain, and I wanted to write this to you. So if your that person, I hope this little unknown blog helps a little.

 I know when your going through bad days, bad weeks, bad months, ultimately it turns into bad years, you just want to “Curse God and Die.” 

If I may, I’d like to share a story that helped me a bit “during one of those could die days.”

During the last 10 plus years I’ve been cursed with chronic pain, I have done a lot of “soul searching.”  Reading the Bible, reading every book, every study done on pain, you name it and I’ve probably read it. But some books, scriptures and writings have been lost, cut out or hidden for thousands of years and we are just now finding some of them.

One of these “lost books” is the Gospel of Thomas, which is the book this story comes from. 

There was a woman who had the disease of leprosy since she was born. She had heard about Jesus and so she went on the search for him.  She finally found Jesus and she fell to her knees begging him to heal her. Then, Jesus asked her, “What have you learned from your sickness and pain all these years?”  She answered, “What did I learn? I have been sick and in pain since the day I was born. I have had no friends, no teachers, no anything, because people flee as soon as they see I have leprosy. Even my own family has kept me hidden and cut off from the world because they are so ashamed of me. I have never received a kind word, never been shown love, never had a day that I haven’t cried from the pain that tortures me each day. I don’t even look human any longer. How can you ask me “What have you learned?”

Then Jesus replied, “Then I will not heal your infirmity now. Not until it has served its purpose.   

Can you imagine being this girl and hearing Jesus say this to you?

Well, Jesus said the same thing to me before I had heard this story.  So you can imagine my shock and reaction when he confirmed it through this story.

During the last 10 or so years that I’ve been ill, I have died a couple of times, weighed almost 500 lbs, weighed under 100 lbs, been confined to wheelchairs, been fed through tubes connected to bags I had to carry around in a backpack, (you get the idea) and the only answer to Jesus question that I can come up with is, “It’s not about me.”  A hundred people could come up with that answer and each person mean a different thing. 

To cut this long story short, I’m still on that quest of trying to break it down and define exactly what “It’s not about me,” means to me.

The last time I died, I fought not to come back.  Heaven is beautify and more importantly painless.  But I was told there were things I needed to do before I get to retire there. That’s when I was told “It’s not just about you.” If it was all a hallucination, it was a hallucination meant to help me cope.  But all other evidence tells me otherwise. 

And even though I think I know what I have learned means, I still haven’t applied it to my life yet. (Cause I’m still battling within my on whether I’m just crazy or blessed.

Hope I didn’t freak you out too much. 

And I hope it helps.

We all love you here!  And we’re all cheering and rooting for you.

Hang in there……..you’re not alone.